Episode 17 d: Overcoming Adversity: The Inspirational Story of Vivace Max Victor

A discussion on overcoming trauma by embracing self-love, taking small steps, seeking effective coaching, and relying on inner guidance.

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You know, I've been to two seminars. They were in the hotel across the street from Madison Square Garden. Yeah, a terrible hotel. it was gross. but I was great. But they were seminars. We have we? I mean, it was you very early on, like there was like there would be 15 to 20 of us in there.

It depends like if you there was the there was one that was in the Grand Ballroom, that one was packed and the first one was packed. The July one specifically was packed. It was wall to wall people, The August one was less. September was like I learned all these lessons, too. And I remember the stuff because I was traumatized way. I didn't know what I had looked at during U.N. Assembly week. So like, people couldn't even I couldn't get there from uptown. People couldn't literally get to the venue. So I learned lessons. But the two that were packed, there were two that were packed. It was July and then it was the March one. Those were definitively packed. But yeah, listen, I did a full weekend seminar before this, the Power Seminars event.

There were four people who came all we're comped. Okay. I spoke 8 hours a day for four people. I swear to you, it snowed. Day number two. Only three of them came back. I spoke for 8 hours to three people. You have to crusher. You go. You have to pay the price. Sometimes the room is packed and sometimes you have to speak 16 hours to four people slash three people because it was free and they didn't want to come.

It's called in news paying your dues.

Yeah people don't want to look stupid. I didn't want to look stupid. Yeah, but I did it anyway. And you know, you just get better by doing it too. Every time I got better and better and I was insecure and I was like, hum, what am I going to say this to people? What am I going to say to people? But you just do your best and you just get better over time.

Do you still do And the only reason why I'm asking that because if you do, you should come to one of Vivace’s Seminar. My schedule's insane, so I'm going to I don't know when people keep asking and I don't know and I know that's not the best answer, but I'm going to at some point with the next few months, roll out a group coaching. So an online group program so that everyone can login and we could do what we do in a group format because also my pricing is very, very particular and so not everyone can afford the package that I have right now. So I think like the group will allow more people to allow them to do that.

All right. Let me ask you this. What inspired you to focus specifically on helping others transport trauma into power and profit? Yup. Transforming trauma into power and profit is my thing. Well, because no one had done it for me, I was fucked because of the lack of money and I didn't have power. So once I learned how to take my trauma and transform it into power and profit, I'm like, Why don't I just do this for everybody?

And I didn't realize even I was doing it. But with all the realtors in real estate, it's interesting because people can suddenly make a lot of money. You can do that depending on the deal, like maybe it won't close for a few months, but you know, you've already done it right. So like in the end, you know, the money's coming. You may not get the check that moment, but you can you can do one transaction and make ridiculous amounts of money, especially if you're doing net-worth people with high, you know, high-priced homes. It's very quick. So these people would suddenly make a lot of money. And in real estate, it's very trackable. So it's not like people can fake their income.

Everything is tracked and the managers track it. So the managers were even tracking these people and be like, wait, what is happening here? So I realized it after the fact that's what I had been doing. And then I didn't even realize that it was transforming their trauma because my program is called Fear Self-confidence. So I didn't even use the word trauma at all. But I realized all these people had some major mental or emotional block. And in my opinion and in my experience working and doing thousands of calls, it was always some unprocessed trauma something they had not address. Sometimes it was a big trauma. Like I had a lady who was in a hurricane and she lost everything. So it could be that type of thing.

And then sometimes it's, you know this because you know the lingo, but maybe your viewers don't. There's two types of trauma or two categories, broad categories. So one is called Big T trauma, like rape, someone losing their house in a fire, someone becoming financially bankrupt. Some are having medical conditions. Right. Those are like major traumas. And there's category called little T trauma.

Little T trauma is like dying by a thousand paper cuts. It's all the little things that happen, like you're not asked to the prom or the guy you like. Ask your best friend out or you didn't make as much money as your buddy does, or you're not as fit as your buddy. Like a little things that are not in and of themselves so traumatic, but there are little teased or little traumas. And so a lot of people who came had on process big to your little T trauma and it was by addressing those things and getting rid them where the person now was able to think clearly. And also their self-esteem was enriched. So they had greater stuff so they can go ask for bigger deals and more money.

Excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent.

You mentioned in your video that you had your own experiences with trauma. How did those experiences shape your approach to coaching?

Well, first of all, understanding tremendous amount of understanding of the client. So I have deep appreciation for people's vulnerabilities, their weaknesses, their self attack as I attack myself all the time. Doubtful them feeling uncertain. So I have tremendous amount of understanding and typically that understanding actually makes them feel really safe and they open up relatively quickly. So I have many, many people who are like, I had a therapist for this number of years. I left and I'm now coaching with you or I never told them this. I'm like, How do you not tell someone this or I'm telling you this right away, but I've never told anyone and. So my trauma helped me understand, like, what is the grace that the person needs and then what is the commitment level that they need for me, and what is the energy and the power that they need?

A total informs how I coach people because I'm giving them what I never got and I got it piecemeal from different people. But then I was like, Why don't I just give them like a one stop shop so they don't have to go to 20 different people? They could just come one place and get it. So 100%, all my rage of what I didn't get is part of my driving force to give it to them.

Excellent. Excellent. You know, for me, when I was in program, one of the greatest gifts that I could ever get was giving back, I had tremendous sponsees they went from rags to riches, things like that. But, you know, just to seeing the transformation, seeing them change it just grew my life tremendously. Is that sort of with you and your clients, does it sort of work like that?

You know, my Kabbalah teacher, my spiritual teacher taught me something years ago and I love it. So Kabbalistic speaking, this is his interpretation. Kabbalah is like Jewish mysticism. He said that if when you do something, you generate light and you will receive the light of what you've done. So let's say let's say Jeff helped me and I went and I help these 50 people kabbalistic speaking from my teachers interpretation, The light that emanates from these 50 people that I helped comes to me.

But the light also goes to Jeff because he helped me. So a new way of thinking, like whatever light that you created with all of your sponsees, that light goes to you and the light goes to whoever helps you. So I just do it that way. It's like a beautiful concept.

And that's absolutely I do believe that's true.

What are some of the common misconceptions about trauma and its effects that you encounter in your coaching practice?

I think people think that time heals all wounds and that by ignoring something that will just go away. And I think that's the biggest misconception. You can't just ignore something that traumatized you and, actually modified and altered your identity at the moment of the trauma and then expect to be normal. So I think the greatest misconception is that was 20 years ago. I should be over it. Why am I not over it? Or that wasn't a big deal. I don't understand why I think it's a big deal. Or just like any form of minimizing the thing. And then not wanting to talk about the thing or the misconception of trauma as you could share half the story and be healed.

You cannot. You have to share the whole story. Whatever part you're hiding is a part where I can't help you. There was a lady, she coach with me this is years ago for a year, and she used to pay me by check and she would pay me ten sessions that she was very committed and she showed up for every call, all of that. And then originally on the first call, I always asked people like, what's your goal? Like, what if we had a magic wand, what's the goal that you want? And so she had told me what her central goal was, but in the entire time of working with her, she got all these satellite goals coming true, but never the thing we were working on.

I never get to it. And then at these months were going by, I kept telling her, I'm like, Look, either I'm doing something wrong or you're doing something wrong, or we're doing something wrong. Like, I just don't understand how we can't get to this thing. And she was like, Don't fire me because I would fire coaching client performance, right?

She's like, Don't fire me. I'm not going to give you anyone else. Just stay with me. And then like in a couple of months war would go by and this went on for a year. Right? So like, it would be a couple of months then I'd bring it up. And then she said, No, no, it's okay, it's okay.

Just stay with me. We’re fine, It’s okay? I'm happy with these Satellite goals. And then like, eventually I'm like, Look, we still don't have this thing. Like, I don't understand it. So I got on a call with her and she says, Vivace I have to tell you something, And it's a regular schedule time, right? So I'm like, Of course, if you tell me something  When we’re on a call. So I'm like, Ed, what's up?

She's like, Why didn't I tell you something? And I was like, Okay, It's just like I was too ashamed to tell you. I was like, Okay, well, I appreciate you feeling comfortable to share it with me now, a year later. And she I didn't say that year later because I'm like, I'm spending. But so was a year later.

And then she told me the actual truth. Literally, she had a breakthrough on that call because I'm like, if this is what really happened, we should do this.

Yeah, it's a little bit crazy.  Amazing! I tell people. The misconception is you can hide and you can get you can get your outcome and you can't. So my thing is what I do with my clients and I got it from working with her. I call it emptying the shame drawer. I feel like we all have a drawer with all our shame and I didn't want to, like, hide the drawer. Well, my, if you want coaching, you want a healing, you want to heal your trauma, you got to open up the shame drawer and empty the chamber. I had this guy. He's the only one who's ever done this.

But literally, Jay on every call, he'd get on the call and he’d be like Vivace. And I knew what he was going to do because he did this on every call. And I found something else in my shame drawer. So like,  He opened every call with what he found in his shame drawer and like literally We just emptied his shame drawer and then he was finding it left

That's hilarious. That's a great story.

How do you balance empowering your clients while still acknowledging the pain they've experienced?

 Right. It goes back to the two prong approach. The one prong is to let's acknowledge what you've gone through and let's address it. And I said vulnerability and compassion and support around that horrible thing that happened to. The second thing is why you're forcing this pain. You better be taking massive action. So a lot of people will like I've had people it could be as small as I don't want to go on social media to promote my business because I don't do videos and I don't like how I look and I don't like how I sound and I don't want to be that man or woman, and I don't want to look desperate like whatever people tell themselves.

And I'm like, okay, so are there people in your space using social media who have multiplied their income? Yes. Okay. So do you want to multiply your income? Yes. So do you want to do social media? No But if that's how they got their clients, right? So it's helping someone saying, look, we're going to look at why you were traumatized to have this mental illness, but simultaneously you're going to be fucking doing it.

So they grow over time. It's both. I don't think I know for me when I would. And again, it depends on where in your trauma you are. Like, if the thing happened yesterday, if somebody got raped yesterday, I'm not going to be like, Let's go build your business, right? Like, so, no, but if it's like far back enough where the person is functional under doing things, it is let's address this, but let's keep taking action and let's keep taking action.

Let's keep taking action. The action parts very important. When I was going to whatever all these therapist that I tried, I don't remember one of them telling me to take like affirmative action, like, Hey, what do you want to do to help yourself action wise in the real world? So like, let's say I told all of them because I told everybody, everybody knew. I'm like, I hate my job I hate my job, I hate my job, I hate my job. I wouldn't want to go to dinners. So I'm like, my God, they're going to ask me medical questions and I fucking hate my job. They're gonna be like, oh my God, what you do is so cool. Let's talk about it.

And I'm like, I don't wanna talk about it. Right? So all of that, I think it's really, really important to have it be two pronged. Don't just talk about your feelings in a circle. You must take action. So I create an environment where it's understanding and it's safe and they feel the safety is really important and the confidentiality is really important. So I really those so they feel safe to share.

But then it is also requiring them to take action in between coaching calls so that over time they're better because this therapist, one of them should been like, Hey, why don't you do something different? Or What are you willing to do? My question for my coaching clients is what are you willing to do differently?

Not one of them told me to take an action, right? We were just going around and around in circles talking about my story of my past and my trauma. But eventually I had to take the action.

I had to. Yeah. No, no, you have to. I love that little antidote about the shame box, you know, taking it. Oh, the shame drawer. Yes, the shame drawer. Yeah, I remember when I was going into program, they said the only way you're going to heal is if you completely surrender. Surrender self. And I remember the true winning of the battle was waving the white flag and willing to participate with everything that I had in order to heal. So really, winning is sometimes surrender. Yes.

All righty. So have another question for you. How do you support clients?

This was supposed to be 20 minutes since two hours later. Go ahead. Go ahead. I have one more question, if that's okay for us.

Off course Go ahead.

How do you support clients in recognizing and overcoming patterns of self attack or learned self-helplessness? This I think it's really, really important. I will show them in their everyday language as they're speaking to me, because typically they're not aware of how many times are attacking themselves like, I'm stupid, I'm not good enough, I should have done it.

I didn't do it. Like constantly blaming themselves and basically humiliating themselves. So it's bringing the awareness to look at the language patterns that you have of how you treat yourself. And a lot of times I'm like, This is the best one. Like if they have kids, I'm like, Would you ever say this to your kid? And they're like, God, no. I would never speak to a child that way. I'm like, So why do you speak to you that way?

So it is bringing the awareness of how are they self attacking, dehumanizing themselves and or blaming themselves or shaming themselves about something that happened years ago or something that didn't happen that should have happened. Like why are they in this bad situation? Why is it taking so long? So it's bringing the awareness that, like, first of all, stop this. And then second of all, this is a new way of a new relationship that you can have with yourself where it's based on respecting yourself and also simultaneously supporting yourself to grow and transform.

Excellent, excellent. All right, so I'm going to wrap it up now. But I want to give you an opportunity to, is there anything you'd like to tell us as we part?

Yes. Well, there's a lot of people ask me when I do these things, they ask me. They're like, well, we don't understand. How do people heal? So in my coaching, I do have a four step method so that people can start to visualize like, how do you get from, let's say, the trauma or the powerlessness or the mental and emotional block to feeling empowered, like how do you transform it into power and profit?

So the first thing that we do is stop the four steps. Step one is confront, help them to identify real mental and emotional blocks that have been holding them back and have been keeping them trapped. So the confront is so important. So you're no longer beholden to all of that and so you can move on. So first you have to confront.

So if you're working with anyone, please make sure they're helping you confront. Number two is reframe. So you either have power over your story, right? You have power. This is your story. Your power of your story or your story has power over you. We have to reframe so that your past no longer has power over you, so you don't feel like you're making financial decisions or relationship decisions, or your physical health decisions based on your past or your past programing, your reframing everything that happened to you so you feel empowered, even if it was a horrible thing, you feel empowered.

 

So we're reframing the root issues, so you feel empowered and free once we've reframed them, which means, Hey, don't look at it this way. Look at it like this. They're like, well, when I look at it like that, I feel more empowered. It's like, okay, well, don't keep looking at it like this. So it's reframing them. The third step is rewire, and a rewire is changing your beliefs about who you are and what you're capable of in a real time.

So often I ask people like, let's say money, how much money do you think you can make in the next 30 days? wait, what do you mean, 30 days? And how much? Right? So it's changing your belief about what's possible for you in real time. And we want to constantly address and delete the past programing that is stopping someone.

So we have to upgrade. I help someone upgrade their self-image and their self-worth by this rewiring. So that's really important. And then so that when we're rewiring, the person can think from a place of abundance rather than thinking from a place of lack, worry, fear, anxiety scarcity, We are rewiring you to think from power, to think from abundance, to think from you can do it through, think from what's the next logical step and who can help you totally.

Two different stories that are going on. And then once we have confronted, we have reframed the past. We have rewired you to see yourself in a new way. Then it's achieved. Now that you're not mentally and emotionally blocked, you can go out there and achieve and amaze yourself. So those are the four steps.

I love the four steps, and I loved this interview. I think you're fantastic. And I know deep down in my heart you must be helping a tremendous amount of people. So I wish you continued success. Thank you Same with you, Look, you're doing these podcasts, you're putting your time hard sweat equity into your partner. We're spending so much time trying to do the coordination of everything, set up the podcast time, all the stuff, scheduling, it's you're doing a lot and. You're the one who's creating the platform to contribute to people. So a shout out to you.

Thank you so much. God bless you. And we'll talk soon, okay? Okay. And then if anyone wants to find me, it's fierceselfconfidence.com. And then also I do a lot more on Instagram than on any other platforms because I don't have time.

So I'll give it to Jay, but it's “@vivacemaxictor” if you like what I'm saying and if it resonates with you, please follow on Instagram. Right now I'm posting a lot about the hostages, but hopefully they'll be home soon and then I will be posting a lot about personal development and how to transform trauma into power and profit and then how to help self-confidence after Trauma.

Excellent. I love it. Have a great day. All right. Thank you. And thank Lisa, too, for setting everything up.